Kiddushin 31a (לא.) — the Talmud in English

It was taught: Rabbi

said:

It is revealed and known before the One Who spoke and brought the world into being that a son honors his mother more than

his

father, because

his mother

coaxes him with words,

persuading him with gentle speech.

Therefore, the Almighty placed

the

honor of one’s father before the honor of one’s mother,

as it is stated: “Honor your father,” and afterward it states: “and your mother.”

And it is revealed and known before the One Who spoke and brought the world into being that a son fears his father more than his mother, because

his father

teaches him Torah.

Therefore, the Almighty placed

the

fear of one’s mother before the fear of one’s father,

as it is stated: “Every man shall fear his mother and his father.”

A tanna taught a beraita before Rav Naḥman,

an amora who taught a beraita before Rav Naḥman:

When a person causes distress to his father and mother, the Almighty said: I did well that I did not dwell among them, for had I dwelt among them,

certainly

they would have caused Me distress,

they would have caused Me distress just as they cause distress to their father and mother, who participated with Me in their creation.

Rav Yitzḥak said:

Anyone who commits a transgression in private

is

as though he pushes away the feet of

the

Shekhina.

As it is stated [Isaiah 66:1]:

“Isaiah 66:1”

“So said the Lord: The heavens are My throne, and the earth is the stool for My feet,”

and from here it follows that the Almighty is present on earth. One who commits a transgression in private is therefore like one who says that the Almighty is not here and does not see him; consequently, he is like one who pushes away His feet and makes Him withdraw.

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: It is forbidden for a person to walk four cubits with an upright posture, as it is stated [Isaiah 6:3]:

“Isaiah 6:3”

“The whole earth is full of His glory,”

which implies that the Almighty, as it were, extends and descends downward, and one who holds himself erect appears to be pushing Him away.

Rav Huna, son of Rav Yehoshua, would not walk

would not walk

four cubits with his head uncovered.

Because

he said: The Shekhina is above my head,

and I must honor it.

The Gemara returns to discuss the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother:

A son of one widow asked Rabbi Eliezer:

If

my father says

to me,

“Give me water,” and my mother

also

says

to me,

“Give me water,”

and I cannot give both of them water at the same time,

which of them takes precedence?

He said to him: Set aside the honor of your mother and perform the honor of your father,

because

you and your mother are obligated to honor your father.

For a wife is obligated to honor her husband.

The son

of the widow

came before Rabbi Yehoshua

and asked him this same question. Rabbi Yehoshua too

said this to him,

in the manner in which Rabbi Eliezer had answered: Set aside the honor of your mother and perform the honor of your father, since you and your mother are obligated to honor your father.

The son of the widow returned and

said to him: Rabbi!

If

my mother was divorced

from my father,

what

is the law in this matter? From that point onward she is no longer obligated to honor my father; if so, which of them takes precedence?

He said to him,

Rabbi Yehoshua replied jokingly:

From between your eyelashes

it is apparent

that

you wept over your mother’s death until your eyelashes fell out, and

you are the son of a widow,

so you do not need my answer for practical halakhic purposes. Therefore, I will tell you that if both of them had been alive, the answer to your question would have been as follows:

Pour for them

for both of them

water into one basin

and place it before them,

and cackle

[cluck]

to them

with the sound used when calling

chickens

to come and drink.

Rabbi Yehoshua answered him in this manner because he had asked his question as though it concerned a practical case. Nevertheless, he intended to say that the honor due to one’s father and mother is equal, and therefore he may give precedence to whichever of them he wishes.

The Gemara brings another statement concerning the honor of one’s father and mother.

Ulla the Great expounded at the entrance to the house of the Nasi,

at the entrance of the Nasi’s house:

What is the meaning of that which is written [Psalms 138:4]:

“Psalms 138:4”

“All the kings of the earth shall thank You, Lord, for they have heard the words of Your mouth”?

To what does this refer?

“The word of Your mouth” is not stated,

but rather

“the words of Your mouth,”

in the plural, and therefore the verse should be expounded as follows:

When the Almighty said

at the revelation at Sinai:

“I

am the Lord your God,”

and “You shall have no

other gods before Me,”

the nations of the world said: He is demanding this for His own honor!

Once He said

afterward

“Honor your father and your mother,” they retracted

their claim

and acknowledged the first statements,

for since a person is obligated to honor his father and mother, all the more so is he obligated to honor the Almighty, who likewise participated in his creation together with his father and mother; moreover, his life and death are entrusted to His hand.

Rava said

he too taught as Ulla the Great, but he expounded it

from here,

from the following verse:

It is stated [Psalms 119:160]:

“The beginning of Your word is truth.”

And one must ask: Is only

“the beginning of Your word” truth, and not the end of Your word?!

Rather,

the verse would not have needed to say “The beginning of Your word is truth” unless the nations had been deriding His first words, saying: He issued this warning for His own honor. And this is what the verse says:

From the end of Your word it is apparent that

the

beginning of Your word is truth,

for when the nations heard the end of His words [honoring father and mother], they learned from this that the beginning of His words was also true.

They asked

[they asked]

Rav Ulla: To what extent

does the mitzva of

honoring father and mother extend?

He said to them: Go out and see what one gentile did in Ashkelon, whose name was Dama ben Netina: Once the Sages sought

to conduct

a business transaction

[trade] with him, and he was expected to earn

six hundred thousand

gold dinars

in profit,

and he needed to open the storeroom to take out merchandise.

And

the

key was lying beneath his father’s head,

who was sleeping at that time. He forfeited the six hundred thousand dinars

and did not cause him distress,

and he did not awaken his father.

Similarly,

Rav Yehuda said in the name of Shmuel: They asked Rabbi Eliezer: To what extent

does the mitzva of

honoring father and mother extend?

He said to them: Go out and see what one gentile did for his father in Ashkelon, whose name was Dama ben Netina:

Once

the Sages sought from him stones for the ephod for six hundred thousand in profit, and Rav Kahana taught

that he taught

for eight hundred thousand

in profit,

and

the

key was lying beneath his father’s head.

He forfeited the six hundred thousand dinars

and did not cause him distress.

He did not awaken his father.

The following year,

the next year,

the Almighty gave

him

the Almighty

the

reward: a red heifer was born in his herd.

The Sages of Israel entered his presence

to purchase the red heifer from him, whose value was great.

He said to them: I know concerning you that if I

were

to ask you for all the money in the world, you would give it to me

in order to fulfill the mitzva of the red heifer,

but

I

am not asking you

for everything I could obtain,

but

only

the same amount of money that I lost for the honor of my father,

namely, six hundred thousand dinars.

And

concerning this

Rabbi Ḥanina said: And if one who is not commanded,

namely, Dama ben Netina, who was a gentile,

thus

was rewarded by the Almighty,

then an Israelite who is

commanded and performs, how much more so

will the Almighty give him his reward if he fulfills the mitzva.

For

this is what

Rabbi Ḥanina said: Greater is

the

one who is commanded and performs

than

one who is not commanded and performs.

And since the Gemara brought Rabbi Ḥanina’s statement, “Greater is one who is commanded and performs than one who is not commanded and performs,” the Gemara brings an incident involving Rav Yosef, who was blind [sightless], and Rabbi Yehuda and the Sages disagreed ]

whether a blind person is obligated to fulfill the mitzvot or exempt from them [as follows]. Rav Yosef was uncertain which view represented the halakha: whether, according to the halakha, a blind person is exempt from the mitzvot, in which case he is in the category of “one who is not commanded and performs,” or whether a blind person is obligated in the mitzvot, in which case he is in the category of “one who is commanded and performs.”

Rav Yosef said: At first,

initially, before I heard Rabbi Ḥanina’s statement, I believed that one who is not commanded and performs is greater than one who is commanded and performs. Therefore,

I would say

I was accustomed to saying:

If someone were to tell me,

if someone came and told me

that the halakha is in accordance with Rabbi Yehuda,

who says that a blind person is exempt from the mitzvot, then, in his merit,

I would make a festive day for the Sages,

I would make a feast for the students.

For I am not commanded, yet I perform.

For I am not commanded in the mitzvot, and nevertheless I fulfill them. But

now that I have heard

now that I have heard

that which Rabbi Ḥanina said, “Greater is

the

one who is commanded and performs than one who is not commanded and performs,”

then

on the contrary,

I say the opposite:

Who

who

will tell me that the halakha is not in accordance with Rabbi Yehuda,

then, by his merit,

I will make a festive day for the Sages,

I will prepare a feast for the students because I will thereby be among those who are "commanded and perform."

The Gemara returns to relate about the aforementioned Dama ben Netina:

When Rav Dimi came,

when Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia,

he said: Once,

Dama ben Netina

was wearing

a fine garment of

sirkon

[silk] ,

of gold,

which was embroidered with gold thread,

and he was sitting among the nobles of Rome, and his mother came and tore it from him,

struck him on the head, and spat in his face

but he did not humiliate her.

The Gemara now cites additional statements concerning the mitzva of honoring one's father and mother and fearing them:

Taught

he taught

Avimi, son of Rabbi Abbahu,

a beraita:

There is

a person who

feeds his father pheasants,

which is a fat bird of the quail species that descended for Israel in the wilderness,

and

through this act he

drives him from the world,

if, while feeding his father, he shows him stinginess, as in the following incident:

There was an incident involving a man who fed his father pheasants. Once his father said to him: "From where do you have all these?" And the son answered him: "What concern is it of yours? Chew and eat!" In this way he showed his father that feeding him was burdensome to him.

And

conversely,

there is

a person who

grinds him at the millstones,

makes his father perform hard labor, like grinding at millstones,