Kiddushin 31a — the Talmud in English

It was taught: Rabbi

says:

It is revealed and known before Him Who spoke and the world came into being that a son honors his mother more than

his

father, because

his mother

entices him with words,

persuades him with gentle speech.

Therefore the Holy One, blessed is He, placed first

the

honor of the father before the honor of the mother,

as it is stated, “Honor your father,” and afterward it is stated, “and your mother.”

And it is revealed and known before Him Who spoke and the world came into being that a son fears his father more than his mother, because

his father

teaches him Torah.

Therefore the Holy One, blessed is He, placed first

the

fear of the mother before the fear of the father,

as it is stated, “A man shall fear his mother and his father.”

A tanna taught a beraita before Rav Naḥman,

an amora who taught a beraita taught before Rav Naḥman:

When a person causes pain to his father and his mother, the Holy One, blessed is He, said: I did well that I did not dwell among them, for had I dwelt among them,

certainly

they would have caused Me pain,

they would have caused Me pain as they cause pain to their father and mother, who are partners with Me in their creation.

Rav Yitzḥak said:

Anyone who commits a transgression in secret

is

as though he pushes away the feet of

the

Shekhina.

As it is stated [Isaiah 66:1]:

“So said the Lord: The heavens are My throne and the earth is the stool for My feet,”

and from here

it follows that the Holy One, blessed is He, is present on earth, and one who commits a transgression in secret is as though saying that the Holy One, blessed is He, is not here and does not see him; it emerges that he is like one who pushes away His feet and makes Him shorter.

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: It is forbidden for a person to walk four cubits with an erect posture, as it is stated [Isaiah 6:3]:

“The whole earth is full of His glory,”

which implies that the Holy One, blessed is He, as it were, stretches out and descends downward, and one who straightens his posture appears to push Him away.

Rav Huna son of Rav Yehoshua did not walk,

he did not walk

four cubits with his head uncovered.

Because

he

said: The Shekhina is above my head

and I must honor it.

The Gemara returns to speak about the mitzva of honoring father and mother:

The son of a certain widow asked Rabbi Eliezer:

If

my father says

to me,

“Give me water,” and my mother

also

says

to me,

“Give me water,”

and I cannot give both of them water at once,

which of them comes first?

He said to him: Set aside the honor of your mother and perform the honor of your father,

because

you and your mother are obligated in the honor of your father.

For a woman is obligated in the honor of her husband.

The son of the widow came

the widow’s son

before Rabbi Yehoshua

and asked him this question as well. Rabbi Yehoshua too

said this to him,

in the manner that Rabbi Eliezer answered: Set aside the honor of your mother and perform the honor of your father, for you and your mother are obligated in the honor of your father.

The son of the widow returned and

said to him: Rabbi!

If

my mother has been divorced,

my mother,

what is

the law in this matter? For from now onward she is not obligated in the honor of my father; if so, which of them comes first?

He said to him,

Rabbi Yehoshua answered him jokingly:

From between your eyelashes

it is recognizable

that

you cried over your mother’s death until your eyelashes fell out, and

you are the son of a widow,

and if so, you do not require my answer for practical halakha; therefore I say to you that if both of them were alive, the answer to your question would be as follows:

Pour for them

for both of them

water into one cup

and place it before them,

and call out [

cackle ]

to them

like the cackling with which one calls

chickens

to come and drink.

Rabbi Yehoshua answered him this way because he asked his question as though it concerned practical halakha. Nevertheless, he intended to say that the honor of his father and mother is equal, and therefore whichever one he wishes, he puts first.

And the Gemara brings another statement concerning honoring father and mother.

Ulla the Great expounded at the entrance of the house of the Nasi,

at the entrance of the Nasi’s house:

What is the meaning of that which is written [

Psalms 138:4 ]:

“All the kings of the earth shall thank You, O Lord, for they have heard the sayings of Your mouth”?

With reference to what are these words said?

“The saying of Your mouth” is not stated

here, but rather

“the sayings of Your mouth”

in the plural, and therefore the verse must be expounded as follows:

When the Holy One, blessed is He, said

at the revelation at Mount Sinai:

“I

am the Lord your God,”

and “You shall have no

other gods before Me,”

the nations of the world said: He is demanding this for His own honor!

Once He said

afterward

“Honor your father and your mother,” they retracted

their claim

and acknowledged the first sayings,

for since a person is obligated in the honor of his father and mother, all the more so he is obligated in the honor of the Holy One, blessed is He, who is also a partner in his creation, like his father and mother; and further, his life and death are entrusted to His hand.

Rava said

he too spoke in accordance with Ulla the Great’s statement, but expounded it

from here,

from the following verse:

It is stated [Psalms 119:160]:

“The beginning of Your word is truth.”

And one must consider: Is only

“the beginning of Your word” truth, and not the end of Your word?!

Rather,

the verse did not need to say “The beginning of Your word is truth” except because the nations were murmuring against His first words, saying, “He warned for His own honor”; and so the verse said:

From the end of Your word it is recognizable that

also

the beginning of Your word is truth,

for when the nations heard the end of His words [honoring father and mother], they learned from this that the beginning of His words was also true.

They asked [

they asked ]

Rav Ulla: To what extent

does the mitzva of

honoring father and mother extend?

He said to them: Go out and see what a certain gentile did in Ashkelon, and Dama ben Netina was his name: Once the Sages sought

to do

business [

commerce ] with him, and he was expected to earn

six hundred thousand

gold dinars

in profit,

and he needed to open the storehouse to take out merchandise,

and

the

key was lying beneath his father’s head,

who was sleeping at that time. He forfeited the six hundred thousand dinars

and did not cause him pain,

and he did not awaken his father.

And similarly

Rav Yehuda said in the name of Shmuel: They asked Rabbi Eliezer: To what extent

does the mitzva of

honoring father and mother extend?

He said to them: Go out and see what a certain gentile did for his father in Ashkelon, and Dama ben Netina was his name:

Once

the Sages asked him for stones for the ephod for six hundred thousand in profit, and Rav Kahana taught

he taught

for eight hundred thousand

in profit,

and

the

key was lying beneath his father’s head,

and he forfeited the six hundred thousand dinars,

and did not cause him pain.

He did not awaken his father.

The following year,

in the coming year,

the Holy One, blessed is He,

gave

him

the

reward: a red heifer was born to him in his herd.

The Sages of Israel entered his presence

to purchase the red heifer from him, whose value was great.

He said to them: I know concerning you that if I

were

to ask you for all the money in the world, you would give it to me

in order to fulfill the mitzva of the red heifer,

but

I

am not asking you for

all that I can,

but

only

that same money which I lost for the honor of my father,

namely, six hundred thousand dinars.

And

concerning this

Rabbi Ḥanina said: And if one who is not commanded,

namely, Dama ben Netina, who was a gentile,

thus

the Holy One, blessed is He, gave him as his reward,

an Israelite who is

commanded and performs, how much more so

that if he fulfills the mitzva, the Holy One, blessed is He, will give him his reward.

For

this is what

Rabbi Ḥanina said: Greater is

the

one who is commanded and performs

than

one who is not commanded and performs.

And incidentally, since the Gemara brought Rabbi Ḥanina’s statement, “Greater is the one who is commanded and performs than one who is not commanded and performs,” the Gemara brings an incident concerning Rav Yosef, who was blind [sightless], and Rabbi Yehuda and the Sages disagreed ]

whether a blind person is obligated to fulfill the mitzvot or exempt from them [as follows]; and Rav Yosef was uncertain in accordance with whom the halakha was: whether, according to the halakha, a blind person is exempt from the mitzvot, and if so he has the status of “one who is not commanded and performs,” or whether a blind person is obligated in the mitzvot, and he has the status of “one who is commanded and performs.”

Rav Yosef said: At first,

at the beginning, before I heard Rabbi Ḥanina’s statement, I thought that one who is not commanded and performs is greater than one who is commanded and performs. Therefore

I would say

I was accustomed to say:

Whoever would say to me,

whoever would come and say to me,

the halakha is in accordance with Rabbi Yehuda

that a blind person is exempt from the mitzvot, then, on his account,

I would make a festive day for the Sages,

I would make a feast for the students.

For I am not commanded, and yet I perform.

For I am not commanded in the mitzvot, and nevertheless I fulfill them. But

now that I have heard,

now that I have heard

this which Rabbi Ḥanina said, “Greater is

the

one who is commanded and performs than one who is not commanded and performs,”

behold

on the contrary,

I say the opposite:

Who [

who]

says to me that the halakha is not according to Rabbi Judah,

then on his account

I will make a festive day for the sages,

I will make a feast for the students over the fact that I am in the category of “one who is commanded and performs.”.

The Gemara returns to recount about Dama ben Netina, who was mentioned:

When Rav Dimi came,

when Rav Dimi came from the Land of Israel to Babylonia,

he said: Once there was

Dama ben Netina

wearing

an important garment of

sirkon

silk ,

of gold,

which was embroidered with gold threads,

and he was sitting among the great men of Rome, and his mother came and tore it from him,

and slapped him on his head and spat in his face,

but he did not humiliate her.

And the Gemara now brings additional statements concerning the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother and revering them:

He taught

he recited

Avimi, son of Rabbi Abbahu,

a beraita:

There is

a person who

feeds his father pheasants,

which is a fat bird of the quail species that descended for Israel in the wilderness,

and

through this act he

drives him from the world,

if, when he feeds his father, he displays stinginess toward him, like the incident below:

An incident involving a person who fed his father pheasants. Once his father said to him: “From where do you have all these?” And the son answered him: “What do you care? Chew and eat!” And by this he showed his father that it was difficult for him to feed him.

And

on the other hand,

there is

a person who

grinds him at millstones,

makes his father work hard, like grinding at millstones,