Kiddushin 31b (לא:) — the Talmud in English

And

his deed

brings him to life in the World-to-Come,

because he honors him with good words and words of consolation. This is similar to the following incident:

There was an incident involving a man who was ordered to report for the king’s service. His son wanted to report in his father’s place, but he was accustomed to earning his livelihood by grinding with a millstone and could not neglect his work. What did he do? He said to his father: “Father, you grind, and I will go in your place to serve the king, for it is impossible to know what the outcome will be. If it is humiliation, it is better for you to grind with the millstone, and if it is flogging, certainly it is better for you to grind with the millstone.”

And the Gemara cites another statement:

Rabbi Abbahu said: For example, Abimi my son

[my son]

fulfilled the mitzva of honoring

properly.

And the Gemara explains: How so?

Abimi had five grown sons,

sons who were supported at his table,

and during the lifetime of

Rabbi Abbahu,

his father,

when Rabbi Abbahu would come and knock at the door,

when Rabbi Abbahu would come and knock on the door, Abimi would not let one of his sons open it. Rather,

he would run and go,

he would run himself and go,

and open it for him, and

all the while, before he reached the door,

he would say: “Yes! Yes! Until I reach there.”

He would say, “I will open, I will open,” until he reached the door.

One day, he said to him,

his father

“Give me water to drink!”

One day, Rabbi Abbahu said to his son Abimi: “Give me water to drink.”

By the time I brought it to him,

by the time Abimi had managed to bring it to him, he

dozed off.

Abimi bent down

Abimi

and stood over him until he awoke,

standing over him with the water until he awoke.

And because he was so meticulous in fulfilling the mitzva,

the matter was facilitated for him, and

while he was bent over his father,

he expounded

Abimi expounded the interpretation of the entire seventy-ninth psalm in the Book of Psalms,

“A psalm of Asaph,”

which he had not previously understood.

Rabbi Yaakov bar Avuha

asked

Abaye: In a case such as mine,

I, who am beloved by my father and dear to my mother,

so that before I return from the study hall,

before I return from the yeshiva,

my father lifts a cup for me and my mother pours for me,

my father pours wine into my cup, and my mother adds water to it so that it will be properly fit to drink,

what should I do,

how should I conduct myself? May I accept these services from them, or do I thereby undermine their honor?

He said to him,

Abaye

“Accept it from your mother, but do not accept it from your father,

since, as “

a Torah scholar”

he may feel slighted.”

Since he is a Torah scholar, there is concern that at times he may feel slighted if you make use of his service.

Rabbi Tarfon had an elderly mother,

she was an elderly mother,

and whenever she wanted to climb onto her bed, he would bend down, and she would climb upon him.

Whenever she wanted to get onto her bed, Rabbi Tarfon would bend down, and she would climb onto his back.

And whenever she would descend, she would descend upon him,

whenever she descended, she descended onto his back.

He came and boasted of it in the study hall,

Rabbi Tarfon came to the study hall and praised himself for his deed.

They said to him,

the Sages said to him:

“You have still not reached half

of the

honor

that the Torah requires. For

what if she had thrown your purse into the sea and you had not humiliated her

for it? Is that not also included in the mitzva of honoring her?”

When Rav Yosef would hear the sound of his mother’s footsteps,

when he would hear the sound of his mother’s footsteps,

he would say: “I will rise before the Divine Presence, which is coming!”

“I will rise before the Divine Presence that is now coming.” For when a person honors his mother, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: “I consider it for them as though I dwell among them and they honor Me.”

Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Fortunate is one who did not see them,

who did not see his parents, because it is impossible to fulfill their honor as fully as required, and a person is punished on their account.

And

Rabbi Yoḥanan

said this because he was orphaned and never saw his parents at all,

for

[when]

when his mother became pregnant with him, his father died,

and when

she gave birth to him, she died,

his mother.

And so too Abaye,

he too was orphaned and did not see his parents.

And we challenge this:

Is that so? But Abaye said

several times:

“My mother said to me

such and such,” which indicates that he saw his mother!

And we answer:

That

mother

was his foster mother.

It was not his biological mother; rather, she was his nurse who raised him.

Rav Asi had

an

elderly mother.

She said to him: “I want

I want

jewelry!” He made

[he made]

it for her.

She returned and said to him:

“I want a husband,”

I want a man to marry. He said to her:

“We will search”

we will search

for one for you.

She returned and said to him:

“I want a man as handsome as you,”

I want a man like you!

He left her and went to the Land of Israel,

because he understood that she had lost her mental faculties, and he would not be able to honor her in accordance with the law.

When he arrived in the Land of Israel,

Rav Asi heard

Rav Asi

that she was following him,

that she had come after him. He wanted to go out to meet her in order to honor her, but he was uncertain whether it was prohibited to leave the Land of Israel for this purpose.

He came before

he came before

Rabbi Yoḥanan,

and

said to him: “What is

the law concerning

leaving the Land of

Israel

for outside the Land?”

He said to him,

Rabbi Yoḥanan:

“It is prohibited.”

Rav Asi returned and asked: To leave

to meet one’s mother, what is

the law?

He said to him,

Rabbi Yoḥanan:

“I do not know.”

He waited a little,

Rav Asi waited a little,

then returned,

afterward he came back before Rabbi Yoḥanan.

And Rabbi Yoḥanan thought that Rav Asi intended to return to his homeland in Babylonia, and that he had not intended to leave in order to honor his mother.

Therefore,

Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him:

Rabbi Yoḥanan

“Asi, have you decided to leave

for Babylonia? If so, may

the Omnipresent return you in peace

to your place.”

Rav Asi was concerned that Rabbi Yoḥanan was angry with him. Therefore,

he came before

he came before

Rabbi Elazar,

Rabbi Yoḥanan’s student, and

said to him: “Heaven forbid, perhaps

[perhaps] Rabbi Yoḥanan

is angry, very angry,

with me?

Rabbi Elazar said to him:

Rabbi Elazar

“What did he say to you?”

He

answered

him,

Rav Asi: “This is what Rabbi Yoḥanan said to me: ‘May the Omnipresent return you in peace.’”

Rabbi Elazar said to him:

Rabbi Elazar

“If he were indeed angry, would he have blessed you?”

Had Rabbi Yoḥanan been angry with you, he would not have blessed you.

Upon hearing this, Rav Asi left for outside the Land of Israel to greet his mother.

Meanwhile,

in the interim, after he had left for outside the Land of Israel to meet her and before he had managed to meet his mother,

he heard that the coffin was coming,

he heard that his mother had died and that her coffin was coming in order to bury her in the Land of Israel.

He said: “Had I known, I would not have left!”

Had I known that she had died, I would not have left for outside the Land of Israel to meet her.

The Sages taught

in a beraita concerning the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother:

The mitzva of honoring one’s father includes two matters: [a]

honoring him during his lifetime

[b]

and honoring him after his death.

And the beraita explains:

Honoring him

during his lifetime—how so?

If one is carrying out his father’s affairs before the local authorities,

a person who makes a request of the people of the locality and knows that they honor his father, and that they will honor a request he makes of them in his father’s name, then even if he knows that they will honor him as they honor his father, nevertheless

he should not say

to them: “Fulfill my request and

send me

quickly home

for my own sake,”

or

“Hurry me along for my own sake,”

or

“Release me for my own sake.”

Rather,

in

all of them

he should say:

“For my father’s sake,”

meaning: Hurry me to my desk, because my father needs my assistance.

Honoring him

after his death—how so?

If he relates a teaching

that he heard

from his father’s mouth, he should not say, “So said my father,” but rather, “So said my father, my master; may I be an atonement for his resting place.”

That is to say: May every evil that ought to come upon his soul come upon me instead.

And these words

apply

within twelve months

of his father’s death, because the judgment of the wicked of Israel in Gehinnom lasts for twelve months. But

from that point onward he says

of his father

“May his memory be a blessing for life in the World-to-Come.”

The Sages taught

in another beraita concerning honoring one’s father:

In the time of the Gemara, it was customary for the scholar to whisper his discourse into the ears of an interpreter, and the interpreter would repeat the words aloud so that the audience could hear.

And the beraita says concerning this:

A scholar

who wishes to deliver a teaching in the name of his father or his teacher

changes

the

name of his father and the name of his teacher

in the ears of the interpreter. That is, he does not mention the name directly, but says: “So said my father and master,” or “So said my teacher and master.”

But the

interpreter does not change either

the

name of his father or

the

name of his teacher.

And immediately the Gemara asks: The “name of his father” mentioned with regard to the interpreter—

whose father

is this?

If you say

that we should understand the wording literally, that the beraita is speaking of

the interpreter’s father,

namely, when the scholar says a halakhic teaching in the name of the interpreter’s father for him to repeat to the public, the interpreter should not change the name of his father by saying, “So said my father and master,” but should call him by his name.

If we explain it in this manner, there is reason to wonder at the words of the beraita:

Is it so

that

the interpreter is not one obligated

to honor his father?!

Rather, Rava said:

The beraita is speaking of

the name of a scholar’s father and

of

the name of a scholar’s teacher,

meaning: When the scholar whispers to the interpreter, “So said my father and master,” the interpreter does not say, “So said the scholar’s father,” but mentions the scholar’s father by name.

As

was customary in the presence of

Mar, son of Rav Ashi, when

when

he would deliver a public discourse,

when Rav Ashi would lecture publicly on a festival,

he

Rav Ashi

would say

to the interpreter: “So said

my father and master.”

And

the

interpreter

our interpreter

would say: “Thus

so

said Rav Ashi.”

The Sages taught:

What is awe

that is mentioned in the Torah,

and what is honor

that is mentioned in the Torah?

Awe—that is, the son

should

not stand in his place,

in the place designated for his father to stand and consult there with the elders of the city.

And he should not sit in his place

designated for him to recline in his home. ,

And he should not contradict his words.

And he should not decide the matter against him,

if his father disagrees with the words of another scholar, he should not say, “It appears to me that the ruling should be decided in accordance with the other scholar’s words,” rather than in accordance with his father’s words.

Honor—

the son

feeds and gives drink to

and

clothes and covers

his father, and

brings in and takes out

his father from place to place.

This concludes the words of the beraita.