Ketubot 4a (ד.) — the Talmud in English

And he consummates the mitzva act, and withdraws

from her immediately, so that the deceased may be buried at once; and he may not have intercourse with her again until the days of mourning have passed.

And he observes

first

the seven days of the wedding celebration,

because from the moment he married her, he became obligated to observe seven days of rejoicing, and these days are considered for him like the days of a Festival, during which mourning is not observed.

And afterward,

after the seven days of the wedding celebration, he

observes the seven days of mourning.

And

since with regard to matters performed in private, a mourner must conduct himself as a mourner even during a Festival, therefore—

throughout all those days,

the seven days of the wedding celebration and the seven days of mourning that follow them,

he sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women,

so that he will not come to have prohibited intercourse with her.

And the bride is not deprived of jewelry

while she is a mourner

for all thirty days

following her marriage.

And specifically

if

the father of the groom

or

the mother of the bride

only then does he first have intercourse with her, and afterward they bury the deceased, since

there is no one who will trouble himself on their behalf.

For there is no other person who can take their place in preparing for the wedding.

But

if it happened

the other way around,

that the mother of the groom died or the father of the bride died,

the groom does not

have intercourse with her before the deceased is buried. Rather, they first bury the deceased and observe the seven days of mourning, and only afterward do they observe the seven days of the wedding celebration.

Rafram bar Pappa said that Rav Ḥisda said: They taught

that he first has intercourse with her and afterward they bury the deceased

only

if the matter would result in the loss of the wedding feast, for example

if

already

he placed water on the meat.

If the feast does not take place now, the meat will spoil shortly, there will not be enough time to sell it, and he will thereby lose the entire cost of the wedding.

But if

still

he has not placed water on the meat—

it can be sold.

It is possible to sell the meat, and there is no loss in postponing the wedding until after the seven days of mourning. Therefore, they first bury the deceased and hold the wedding only after the seven days of mourning.

Rava said: And in a large city,

which has many people,

even though he placed water on the meat—

it can be sold.

It is possible to find buyers for it and sell it to them, and thus he will not lose the feast. Therefore, the deceased must first be buried and mourning observed.

Rav Pappa said: And in a village,

which has only a few people,

even though he did not place water on the meat—

it cannot be sold,

and he will lose his feast if the wedding is postponed. Therefore, he should first have intercourse with her and observe the seven days of the wedding celebration, and only afterward observe mourning.

And the Gemara asks:

But if so,

now that in a place with many people even meat on which water has already been placed can be sold, whereas in a place with few people meat cannot be sold even if no water has been placed on it, the distinction of

Rav Ḥisda

between whether water was placed on it or not—

where can it be found?

Rav Ashi said:

In a city

such as Mata Meḥasya—

which is outside the category of a large city,

which is excluded from the category of a large city,

and

on the other hand

it is also excluded

it is also excluded

from

the category of

a village,

as its population is larger than that of a village.

It was taught in a beraita in accordance with Rav Ḥisda:

If his bread had been baked, his meat had been slaughtered, and his wine was

diluted

with water,

and

already

he had placed water on the meat.

And

it happened that

the father of the groom or the mother of the bride died—

they bring the deceased into a room, and they bring the groom and bride beneath the wedding canopy. He consummates the mitzva act, and withdraws,

and does not have intercourse with her again.

And he observes the seven days of the wedding celebration, and afterward he observes the seven days of mourning.

And throughout all those

fourteen

days

of celebration and mourning—

he sleeps among the men, and his wife sleeps among the women,

for they cannot be trusted to restrain themselves from intercourse.

And likewise, one whose wife became a menstruant

at the time she entered beneath the wedding canopy, before he consummated the mitzva act—they cannot be trusted to restrain themselves from intercourse; therefore

he sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women.

And the bride is not deprived of jewelry

while she is a mourner

for all thirty days

following her marriage.

In either case,

whether there was such an unavoidable circumstance, that the father of the groom or the mother of the bride died, or no such circumstance occurred and he married her at the customary time—

he may not have

the first intercourse

on the eve [בליל]

of Shabbat,

because he makes a wound,

nor on Saturday night,

for the reason that will be explained below.

The Master said

in the beraita: Throughout all fourteen days of the wedding celebration and mourning—

he sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women.

This supports

this tanna, who says that a groom who is a mourner or a bride who is a mourner is prohibited from intercourse even during the days of the wedding celebration, whose status is like that of the days of a Festival,

against Rabbi Yoḥanan.

As Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Although they said that the

laws of

mourning

are observed

during a Festival, nevertheless, “matters performed in private,”

which are not recognizable to the public as mourning practices—

he observes

even during a Festival, and therefore he is prohibited from marital intercourse even during the seven days of the wedding celebration.

Rav Yosef, son of Rava, expounded in the name of Rava: They taught

that the groom and bride do not sleep together

only when the groom has not had intercourse

with her for the first time, since his inclination is strong and there is concern that he will be unable to restrain himself from having intercourse with her.

But

if he has already

had intercourse

once—

his wife sleeps with him.

And the Gemara asks:

But here,

in this beraita,

where he has had intercourse

already had intercourse for the first time,

we are dealing,

as he had intercourse before the burial,

and

nevertheless

it teaches: “He sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women”!

And we answer:

When Rava said

“They taught that when he has not had intercourse, but if he has had intercourse, his wife sleeps with him”—

he was referring to a case in which his wife became a menstruant,

for if he had already had intercourse with her for the first time before she became a menstruant, there is no concern that he will have intercourse with her again while she is a menstruant, since the prohibition of menstruation is severe, and its punishment is karet.

But the prohibition against intercourse during mourning, which is a less severe prohibition, gives rise to concern that he might have intercourse with her again during days on which he must observe mourning [including the days of the wedding celebration, during which he must observe mourning with regard to matters performed in private], even if he has already had intercourse with her for the first time. It is this case that the beraita addressed when it stated that they are prohibited from sleeping together.

The Gemara questions the distinction between a mourner and one whose wife became a menstruant:

But

in the beraita

it teaches likewise

“one whose wife became a menstruant: He sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women”

it teaches!

The Gemara assumes that the meaning of “likewise” is that this law applies to a mourner and to a menstruant in the same manner—that is, even if he has already had intercourse with her for the first time. Nevertheless, the beraita says that if she became a menstruant after the first intercourse, they are prohibited from sleeping together!