Ketubot 4a — the Talmud in English

And he has intercourse of mitzva, and withdraws

from her immediately, so that they may bury the deceased immediately, and thereafter he does not have intercourse with her until the days of mourning have passed.

And he observes

first

the seven days of the wedding feast,

because from the time that he married her, an obligation to observe seven days of rejoicing takes effect upon him, and these days are considered for him like the days of a Festival, during which mourning is not observed.

And afterward,

after the seven days of the wedding feast, he

observes seven days of mourning.

And

since the “matters carried out privately” require the mourner to observe them as a mourner even during a Festival, therefore—

All those days,

the seven days of the wedding feast and afterward the seven days of mourning,

he sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women,

so that he will not come to have intercourse with her in violation.

And ornaments are not withheld from the bride

who is mourning

for all thirty days

following her marriage.

And specifically

if

the father of the groom or

if

the mother of the bride

died, only then does he first have intercourse with her, and afterward they bury the deceased, since

there is no person who troubles himself for them.

For there is no other person who can fill their place in the preparations for the marriage.

But

if it happened

the reverse,

that the groom’s mother died or the bride’s father died,

he does not

have intercourse with her before the burial of the deceased. Rather, they bury the deceased first, and observe seven days of mourning, and only afterward observe seven days of the wedding feast.

Rafram bar Pappa said in the name of Rav Hisda: They taught

that he first has intercourse with her and afterward they bury the deceased

only

if the matter will result in the loss of the wedding feast, for example

that

he has already

put water on the meat.

And if the feast does not take place now, the meat will spoil within a short time, and there will not be time to sell it, and he will thereby lose the entire cost of the wedding.

But, if

he has

not yet put water on the meat—

it can be sold.

There is the possibility of selling the meat, and there is no loss in postponing the wedding until after the seven days of mourning. Therefore they first bury the deceased, and hold the wedding only after the seven days of mourning.

Rava said: And in a large city,

where there are many people,

even though he has put water on the meat—

it can be sold.

It is possible to find buyers for it and sell it to them, and thus he will not lose the feast; therefore the deceased must first be buried, and mourning must be observed.

Rav Pappa said: And in a village,

where there are only few people,

even though he has not put water on the meat—

it cannot be sold,

and he will lose his feast if the wedding is postponed. Therefore he should first have intercourse, and observe the seven days of the wedding feast, and only afterward observe mourning.

And the Gemara is astonished:

But

now, that in a place where there are many people even meat upon which water has already been put is sold, whereas in a place where there are few people meat cannot be sold even if water has not been put upon it, his distinction,

that of Rav Hisda,

between whether water has been put on it and whether water has not been put on it—

where can you find it?

Rav Ashi said:

In a city

such as Mata Mehasya—

which emerges from the category of a large city,

which emerges from the category of a large city,

and

on the other hand

emerges

as also emerging

from

the category

of a village,

whose number of inhabitants is greater than the number of inhabitants of a village.

It was taught in a beraita in accordance with Rav Hisda:

If his bread had been baked, his animal slaughtered, and his wine

mixed

with water,

and

he had already

put water on the meat.

And

it happened that

the father of the groom or the mother of the bride died—

they bring the deceased into a room, and the groom and the bride to the wedding canopy. And he has intercourse of mitzva, and withdraws,

and he does not have intercourse again.

And he observes seven days of the wedding feast, and afterward observes seven days of mourning.

And all those

fourteen

days

of the wedding feast and mourning—

he sleeps among the men and his wife sleeps among the women,

for they are not trusted to guard themselves from intercourse.

And likewise, one whose wife became a menstruant

at the time she entered the wedding canopy, before he had intercourse of mitzva— they are not trusted to guard themselves from intercourse, and therefore

he sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women.

And ornaments are not withheld from the bride

who is mourning

for all thirty days

following her marriage.

In either case,

whether there was such a circumstance of compulsion, that the father of the groom or the mother of the bride died, or whether no circumstance of compulsion occurred and he brought her into the wedding at the regular time—

he shall not have

first intercourse

on the eve of [

the night of]

Shabbat,

because he makes a wound,

and not on the conclusion of Shabbat,

for the reason that will be explained later.

The Master said

in the beraita: For all fourteen days of the days of the wedding feast and the days of mourning—

he sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women.

This supports

the tanna who says that a mourning groom or a mourning bride are forbidden intercourse even during the days of the wedding feast, whose law is like that of the days of a Festival,

in support of Rabbi Yohanan.

For Rabbi Yohanan said: Even though they said that

the laws of

mourning

do not apply

on a Festival, but “matters carried out privately,”

whose observance as mourning is not recognizable to the public—

he observes

even on a Festival; therefore he is forbidden intercourse even during the seven days of the wedding feast.

Rav Yosef son of Rava expounded in the name of Rava: They taught

that the groom and bride do not sleep together

only when he has not had intercourse,

the groom having not had first intercourse, for his inclination is strong, and there is concern that he will be unable to prevent himself from having intercourse with her.

But

if he has already

had intercourse

once—

his wife sleeps with him.

And the Gemara is astonished:

But here,

in this beraita,

where he has had intercourse

already had first intercourse

we are dealing,

for he had intercourse even before the burial,

and

nevertheless

it teaches: He sleeps among the men, and she sleeps among the women!

And we answer:

When

Rava says, “They taught that he has not had intercourse, but if he has had intercourse, his wife sleeps with him”—

when his wife became a menstruant,

for if he had already had intercourse with her the first time before she became a menstruant, there is no concern that he will return and have intercourse with her while she is a menstruant, since the prohibition of a menstruant is severe, its punishment being karet.

But the prohibition of intercourse during mourning, which is a light prohibition, gives rise to concern lest he return and have intercourse with her during the days in which he is required to observe mourning [including the days of the wedding feast, during which he is required to observe mourning in matters carried out privately], even when he has already had first intercourse. And it is this about which the beraita spoke, that they are forbidden to sleep together.

And the Gemara is astonished at the distinction between a mourner and one whose wife became a menstruant:

But

in the beraita

“and likewise

one whose wife became a menstruant, he sleeps among the men and she sleeps among the women”

it teaches!

The Gemara left it unresolved, that the meaning of “and likewise” is to say that this law applies to a mourner and to a menstruant in the same manner. That is, if he has already had first intercourse. Nevertheless, the beraita says that if she became a menstruant after first intercourse, they are forbidden to sleep together!